Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of Today

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.

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  (860): i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis. http://tfl.nu/7xur
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

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  (954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.

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  (678): Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting. http://tfl.nu/6icw
  Replies (14) Good night (3064) Bad night (261)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city

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  (407): I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city http://tfl.nu/5mtu
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game

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  (419): I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game http://tfl.nu/8vak
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke

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  (201): there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke http://tfl.nu/pyjl
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.

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  (330): He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours. http://tfl.nu/wqf0
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  (310): View more from California

  His dick was poking my bladder. That big...

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  (310): His dick was poking my bladder. That big... http://tfl.nu/xupw
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

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  (502): Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat. http://tfl.nu/hdie
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  (914): View more from New York

  i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

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  (914): i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/xwvv
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  (415): View more from California

  It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.

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  (415): It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend. http://tfl.nu/xojm
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

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  (319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk
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  (951): View more from California

  she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.

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  (951): she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked. http://tfl.nu/fnf4
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again

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  (480): He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again http://tfl.nu/s0mc
  Replies (4) Good night (654) Bad night (98)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.

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  (440): i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me. http://tfl.nu/a0ta
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