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she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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