Texts From Last Night

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(703): View more from Virginia

The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.

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(703): The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up. http://tfl.nu/ttp7

Replies (1) Good night (8) Bad night (1) Order T-Shirt
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.

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(908): Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks. http://tfl.nu/ltgr

Replies (1) Good night (46) Bad night (15) Order T-Shirt
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(865): View more from Tennessee

I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth

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(865): I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth http://tfl.nu/mdm2

Replies (5) Good night (37) Bad night (233) Order T-Shirt
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

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(501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1

Replies (9) Good night (500) Bad night (73) Order T-Shirt
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(304): View more from West Virginia

it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.

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(304): it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears. http://tfl.nu/ziqy

Replies (11) Good night (533) Bad night (51) Order T-Shirt
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(512): View more from Texas

apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.

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(512): apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls. http://tfl.nu/xowh

Replies (5) Good night (49) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang

(917): View more from New York City

really making moves this morning i see

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(202): just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang (917): really making moves this morning i see http://tfl.nu/4n5c

Replies (5) Good night (361) Bad night (58)
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(206): View more from Washington

I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.

(1-206): View more from Washington

You are nothing if not reliable.

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(206): I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different. (1-206): You are nothing if not reliable. http://tfl.nu/5ioj

Replies (9) Good night (429) Bad night (50)
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(352): View more from Florida

I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

(352): View more from Florida

Just realized these events may be related.

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(352): I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window. (352): Just realized these events may be related. http://tfl.nu/i6sd

Replies (14) Good night (698) Bad night (163)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.

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(918): My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/kyk3

Replies (12) Good night (252) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
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(609): View more from New Jersey

just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

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(609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r

Replies (13) Good night (924) Bad night (123)
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(905): View more from Ontario

It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner

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(905): It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner http://tfl.nu/bz5d

Replies (6) Good night (735) Bad night (85) Order T-Shirt
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(207): View more from Maine

you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand

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(207): you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand http://tfl.nu/om9i

Replies (7) Good night (723) Bad night (122) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on

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(503): Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on http://tfl.nu/atvv

Replies (8) Good night (95) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
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(708): View more from Illinois

Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.

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(708): Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic. http://tfl.nu/b2ov

Replies (11) Good night (215) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt

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